Brain Fart

I decided to take a break from ECT. It hasn’t really been helping this time and it has caused lots of problems. The memory loss part is giving me a really hard time. It’s more than memory. My ability to think and write has been affected. I believe this is all short term and will be back to normal soon. Right now, it’s a pain in the fuckin ass. It feels like I have had the world’s biggest brain fart.

I love writing. Even when I feel like shit, I can find joy in writing. Now, not so much. It’s kind of sucks because besides getting paid to write, I also find writing therapeutic. And right now, I could use some therapy.

I am struggling right now and I am spending a lot of time reaching out, trying to find what will help. I think people sometimes think depressed people want to see the sad side of life but that’s not it at all. It chemical shit. Something is not working right in my brain and if I could, I would force it into the joy zone so quick.

But while I get to be proactive, I don’t get full say in the timetable. So I shall just keep going and look forward to my writing voice coming back so this is more enjoyable to read.