Angry Parts

My long term goal: Be healthy.

My short term goal: Not hate myself for being sick.

I am bad about this. Logically, I get that there is no reason to be mad at myself for having depression but sometimes I am not good at holding to this. Depression feels like something you should be able to beat or at least deal with it less often than I have been. I get that depression is not a sign of weakness. I get that it is chemicals and other stuff and that it is a disease. I get that. I’m just not great at sticking to it.

I don’t think there is some virtue in giving yourself a hard time for being depressed. In fact, I think being mad at my self undermines how this is a disease, not a state of being, and that’s not a good thing.

So why can’t I let the anger and frustration at myself go? I don’t know. All I can say is it feels like I should be well and part of me thinks it’s my fault I’m not. And part of me is mad at that part for being that way. Like a centerfold, I just need to get all my parts on the same page.