You’re Gonna Make it After All

Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it’s you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it
Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don’t you take it
You’re gonna make it after all.
– Mary Tyler Moore theme song.

I had seen every episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show multiple times as I was growing up. Thank you Nickelodeon. And when I graduated college my sister got me the Mary Tyler Moore VHS box set. A gift I very excitingly requested. Don’t most 22 year olds? I loved everything about the MTM show, the writing, the characters, the actors, and just the flipping awesomeness that was Mary.

So yeah upon graduation, I wanted the box set but what I wanted more was to feel as I moved on to the next phase of my like that I had within me that flipping awesomeness of Mary, a woman who was totally making it on her own.

I was having a tough go of it. I wound up ending college by trying to end my life. And then I came home to the theme song lyrics of Mary telling me “You’re gonna make it after all.”

In life I’ve struggled with feeling like I will make it after all because it’s felt like that’s too much to make happen. Too big of a promise

These past months have felt unmanageable, and shitty, and just like something I couldn’t recover from. But here’s the thing, when I felt most like I wasn’t gonna make it after all, that’s exactly what I was doing every single day, every single second.

Making it after all isn’t the big thing I was afraid of, it’s the one little thing I can do everyday. Stay here. Stay with it.

And it hasn’t felt little but somehow it has happened and now I am starting to feel better.

And yes it is and up and down disease but while it’s feeling a little up, I’m gonna embrace it cause damn it, that‘s what flipping awesome Mary would do.