How Can I Help You?
I was listening to Fresh Air with Terry Gross and heard David Mitchell – Author, whose son has Autism share this brilliance.
“We cause a hell of a lot of the problems, us neuro-typicals, because we don’t get it. We just jump to false assumptions. We even kind of congratulate ourselves on our knowledge that, for example, kids with autism prefer to be on their own in the corner lining up their toys in a line and they’re happiest there. No they’re not. They want the human interaction, it’s just we’re so lousy at understanding how to do it that we get it wrong, thereby driving them into the corner. We confuse our wrong actions with their preferred behaviors and they can’t point it out because they have autism, what a fate!”
In my limited experience, teaching improv to kids with autism, and talking to parents of kids with autism, this is very true.
The line that “We confuse our wrong actions with their preferred behaviors,” struck me very hard as it also applies how we treat someone struggling with mental illness, especially crippling depression. We often thinking they want to avoid social interaction or be cheered up, getting frustrated when those don’t work.
Though we can point it out, we are often too worn out, too annoyed to have to ask for what we need.
I am healthy right now though, so I can ask, though I don’t speak for everyone, I can tell you, when stuff is bad, I need someone to sit in the dark and uncomfortable with me and abandon any idea of making it better.
So I have shared this, and I hope we all find ways to be of service to others by understanding, not ignoring or trying to fix something.
I believe 97% of people who have tried to help me, have the best of intentions but that doesn’t mean they know what to do, and maybe this will be helpful guidance for someone who wants to be there for someone.