Med Head Again

Getting off meds was never a mental health goal of mine. My goal, has for many years, been the same:
To not want to die.
In an attempt to reach this goal, I have taken meds. had my brain shocked, eaten less and moved more, wrote, been of service to others, surrounded myself with good people, and have practiced Oprah-like gratitude. And I continue to want to die.
Some days it is stronger then others.
Right now I feel like I have a bunch of tiny people in my brain all wanting to destroy me.
And so I am going back on meds, reminding myself that that is okay, that maybe one day I will be okay, and at the same time being really fucking angry at it all.