Knock it the Fuck Off

“Knock it the fuck off”

I was told that this weekend and it was some of the best advice I have ever received

It was said at an improv workshop, led by the fantastically talented Dave Razowsky.

He told us that improvisers are actors and we were doing ourselves a disservice by not referring to ourselves as such. I told him I didn’t think I had the right to call myself an actor as I truly didn’t believe I possessed that talent.

His response was honest and meaningful.

It ranged from the aforementioned knock it [the stupid shit we tell ourselves] the fuck off to the beautiful “Let this be the last day we live small.”

Dave shared his wisdom and talent with a group of 12 or so of us improvisers actors. He shared in the most literal definition of the word. His passion, skill, warmth, we got to experience all of it. It was beautiful

While so many things he said affected me, the one I held on to the most was:

“Celebrate the uncertainty”

On stage, I can do that, In life, I find it much harder. 

The part of me that struggles with suicide is afraid of the uncertainty of a life that may have multiple stretches of severe depression. I find myself holding back on fully enjoying life because of the “not knowing” that comes with this chronic illness, and that is just a stupid way to live.

So I should probably knock it the fuck off.

Thanks Dave.